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Why failure is good for our child?

by Acetutors (2578 views)
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To err is human, to fail is part of life. How many times have we “failed” in life, be it at athletics, on a school project where our desired grades were not achieved or for our examinations? Have you ever wonder what if we stop failing and constantly looking for the easy way out?

I remembered vaguely when I was a toddler, I learned to walk with a baby walker. Having to walk in pretence with the baby walker for months, the time came for me to stand and walk on my own two feet. My lovely mom was positioned closely behind me while my dad was stationed a step in front of me, as if I was a jega block ready to collapse anytime. At that point, I was wildly encouraged by the toy clasped in my dad’s hand and desperately wanted to lay my hands on it. Then, I took my first ever step…

As with most toddlers, I fell right after my first step. I started to crawl towards my dad, but my mom popped me right up to stand to attempt my walk again. I was countlessly falling with every attempt, however, my parents were continuously cheering me by waving the toy frantically to encourage my baby steps forward. I became extremely frustrated, and was thinking “why is this so difficult? I’m an expert at crawling; why can’t you just let me crawl over?”

Eventually, after much efforts and patience, I had finally mastered the skills of walking or else I will still be crawling by now.

Letting your child fail and experience the benefits of natural consequences may be a good thing. As said, "failure is an opportunity to get your child to look at himself."

Picture this scenario where a child did poorly in school – failing to submit his homework, failing his examinations, not achieving desired grades for his tests – have we given thoughts on what leads to that undesirable situation, i.e. the basic cause and effect of the problem?

Could it be the child’s overprotective parents whom are not willing to see their child in that poor situation? With parents completing their children’s homework on their behalf instead of giving them a chance to work out their homework on their own isn’t the right way out.

Quoted from James Lehman’s article on ‘Why You Should Let Your Child Fail The Benefits of Natural Consequences,’ “Instead of allowing their child to fail, they try to get the teacher to change the grade. Believe me, if a parent is in the martyr role, they’re going to go up and fight for their child in school – and they’re going to believe they’re right. But sadly, what their child is going to learn is that they don’t have to take responsibility for their ineffective behavior – that somebody else is going to fight for them. Let me be clear: when you try to change the actions of people around your child so he won’t feel disappointed or upset, your child is not going to learn the lesson you imagine he’s going to learn. And not only that, he’s also not going to learn math, or science, or whatever it is he’s been avoiding. Worst of all, he’s not even going to learn to not be duplicitous in the future. What he is going to learn is that “It’s OK. If I screw up enough, Mom will take care of it. Or Dad has more power than the teacher, so he can take care of it.”

Assuming the child does fail, i.e. failing to submit his homework and was punished by the teacher, isn’t actually a bad thing. A child under the right guidance will hopefully learn that by putting in more effort and time completing his homework instead of playing, punishments can then be avoided. If a child keeps up with good efforts continuously throughout the course of study by revising his work daily, submitting his homework punctually, preparing for his examinations adequately, he shouldn’t be getting poor grades. And if he did, what and where went wrong during his examinations preparation? Did he really try his best to achieve his desired grades?

Of course, having said that, the maturity of a child may not reach the stage where he can be fully independent and self-disciplined. Thus, parents are there to constantly guide and monitor their children, giving them the necessary environment and support to grow and mature. By guiding and assisting your child, you have at least done your part the right way.

By failing the child could have develop certain desirable traits, read about Performance Character about those traits.

So, have you let your child take a fall today?