Raising a successful child is the most important job you have.
American parents often seek ways to improve the quality of their children’s experiences, and their desire to help their children no matter what is often mirrored by other well-meaning parents worldwide. Wanting to eliminate struggle and pain is an admirable goal. Who doesn’t want to make sure their kids have an easy life?
Yet helicopter and lawnmower parents are inadvertently teaching their children to be co-dependent. You cannot make every decision for your child, nor do childhood experts recommend it.
Wanting to make sure your child is okay is normal; you are going to protect your child and provide for all of his needs. A helicopter parent goes beyond parenting boundaries, such as doing their children’s homework for them, cutting up their children’s food and going on job interviews with adult children.
Helicopter parents hover over their children’s every move.
Do you know a parent who routinely mows down any obstacle in front of their child?
Lawnmower parents are helicopter parents on steroids. A lawnmower parent will show up ahead of the child to make sure that there is no barrier to his or her success. We’re not just talking equal access; we’re talking obliterating any hurdle to making an A in school, winning a championship title or getting into a premier school.
These parents make struggles disappear before the child even knows about it.
There’s a lesson to be learned from the Emperor Moth. The larva struggles against the cocoon, trying to exit through a narrow passage while pushing the fluid from its body into its wings. The process is arduous and slow. Any observer would want to help to make the challenges easier and quicker.
Eliminate struggles, remove the obstacles, and the moth’s wings never develop correctly. You condemn the Emperor Moth to death.
In the same way, helicopter or lawnmower parenting cramps your child’s wings. By doing everything for him, you stymy his chances of growing into a responsible adult who can live independently. Entitled, dependent children’s brains mature much more slowly than their peers, and coddled children cannot make decisions on their own. They are more likely to be co-dependent adults unable to earn their own living.
Try these tips:
• Celebrate strengths. Have your child show you how well he can kick a ball or cross the street on his own.
• Practice wait time. Be patient and let your child come to you with questions.
• Let your child make decisions. Begin with small decisions that have little risk, like selecting the clothing she will wear.
• Allow for choices. Encourage your child to explore hobbies and interests and to form personal opinions.
• Offer advice. You can give tips on how to do something, but don’t do the work. It’s not easy to stop micromanaging your child’s life, but these strategies may help you step back as your child becomes a strong and independent adult.